whatever is lovely

I irresponsibly tend to rely on social media platforms as my main news source.  As an indecisive, sensitive, impressionable human, I absorb a lot of stories and opinions and ideas, and I'm never quite sure what to do with all of them.  So the past couple weeks have just about done me in.  Ebola. Gunshots. War. Violence. ALS. Childhood friend's grandmother's passing.  And all these things are so many things in and of themselves, because we are all stories that meet up in different chapters of each others', coming from different starting points, after or in the middle of fighting different enemies both in and outside of ourselves, with all sorts of different characters, not to mention genetics and personalities.  Shoot, I've personally had the whole spectrum of feelings just on the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge... from high and mighty intellectual who actually knows the words to fill in the acronym of ALS, to condescending, to annoyed at the trendin...

on me, short nails look like i'm 12. and/or a boy. and i feel like my fingers are mere nubs because i'm so restricted doing anything  if i clip them down. but i did. because i like to forget things i already know and learn them the hard way again and again. i have a couple other things in my life that i similarly, painfully put myself through to torture myself with guilt and regret and utter annoyance.  but i digress. back to the fingernails. as i clipped and shaped and painted them a pretty purple, i felt a tear.  these are the allegedly award-winning fingernails that have traced patterns as i've whispered prayers of thankfulness, hope, vision, security, grace, comfort over the backs of those i love.  it was my way of being momma bear. of listening and showing support. of being Jesus' hands.  i just miss that tonight. miss that community. miss that intimacy, however strange it may seem.  i miss people calling me liesie. it is a privilege i allo...