whatever is lovely

i remember the three year old, still in her life vest, begging to be pushed 12 feet deep so that she could retrieve the rings and torpedos and whatever else was down there. she came up sputtering, but darn it she wanted to go again. she was too buoyant to make it on her own with that watermelon belly.  the seven year old, who jumped off 30 foot cliffs with not a second of hesitation... it took me about 20 minutes. then that same trip, dying to ride the "upside down roller-coasters," but not being tall enough. so she tried again, and again, and again. wearing higher shoes, sneaking in on piggyback, walking on her tiptoes. finally, buckled in and feeling victorious, they called for a last-minute measurement. no rides for lizah. but not for lack of trying. the one who made fast friends with those who were supposed to be her fierce competition at swim meets, even though they were just little girls. she literally crossed the barrier of those lane lines through hugs and sm...

I realize that my last most may have seemed a bit depressing/depressed, (update: still lots of lists) but hey, writing is how I deal and this is my space. And I just want to keep it real! So with that intent, a break from the emotional posts and just a glimpse into my new little life here.  I've been staying busy with lots of fun activities: a wedding a safari  a rangers game  and restaurants, church, friends, exploring, hitting the Katy Trail regularly, and more!  [[...from Fox Ridge Trail to the Big D...]] And, of course, the reason I'm here... my nephews!  I mean... school. Here's me on my first day!  I had my first class the Tuesday after Memorial Day, with no orientation beforehand. So it was a bit intimidating. But I started awkwardly chatting with the girls around me and now, just seven class days later, I feel like I have a good little friend network! At school at least... the ci...

life transition means list-making to the max. there's the homework list the enrollment/legalities list the correspondence list  the grocery list the errands list  the finish-up-in-waco list the unpack/organize/settle list the looming future list: apartment/roommate hunt the list of how well i did or didn't eat today the itty-bitty list of people i know in this place the long list of places i wish i was on this saturday night the oh-shoot-here-comes-another-sparse-yet-dramatic-blog list ...and the lists go on and yet so little of it is getting done.  i've shut down. today has been yet another crying off-and-on all day kind of day.  i know i can do this.  i know this is where i want to be.  so what the hay is my deal?!  tonight i finally kicked into gear, at least a little.  as i folded my laundry, Romans 8:26 came to me: "...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ...

with bits and pieces snagged from my application/personal statement i want to explain why UT Dallas.  why speech language pathology. and what it is, after all.  no, my life work is not limited to playing bingo with 7 year olds who can't say their "s" sound  it can look like a lot of things... speech, yes. but also any issues which take place within the anatomic structures i have been, and will continue to study... anything in the "language center" of the brain, and from the nasal cavity on down to the lungs. swallowing disorders. feeding therapy. voice disorders. stuttering. cluttering. stroke rehabilitation. traumatic brain injury. developmental, behavioral, or cognitive issues. cleft lip and palate. hearing impairments. literacy weakness. so much more. and lisps.  i originally just wanted to work with the kiddos. i had no interest in making a career for myself or touching the medical issues. but this has become so much more than a major or a ...

the phrase "it feels like I'm on a rollercoaster of emotions" is often used.  the thought fluttered through my head the other day, but i didn't let it pass by. i reached out and held tight and realized how true it really was.  my senior year up until this point has only been that first, big hill.  my neck is strained as i feel the gears click under me, chugging up that hill.   register for, study for, and take the GRE... click research graduate programs, consider the advice of professors, friends, and family... click seek recommendation letters... click apply to graduate schools... click ...pause... is this thing working?! receive acceptances... click analyze offers and potential experiences... click i'm on this ride, and that's not going to change. i'm almost up this hill. i can look behind me, but it's a steep view. i can't even let myself go there. i can see the sky above me and wonder what's next...

i'm pretty passive when it comes to things of a political nature.  and so i will willfully neglect to comment on my views (which i'm not even fully decided or firm on) about today's events.  i didn't even know anything was happening until i checked social media, honestly.   all i know is that what i read hurt my heart.  the content, somewhat, but mostly the delivery is what affected me, and so i must say it:  WORDS MATTER TO GOD! He has been laying this theme on me heavy for weeks now.  elihu in the book of job says best how my heart feels : "i too will have my say,  i too will tell what I know.  for i am full of words,  and the spirit within me compels me; inside i am like bottled-up wine,  like new wineskins ready to burst. i must speak and find relief;  i must open my lips and reply.  i will show no partiality,  nor will i flatter anyone" {Job 32:17-21} from the WORD of G...

spring break is officially over.  after a week of rest, sun, and laughter, there was no foyer into reality. i entered right in and set to work: studying, doing homework, fulfilling obligations, and running errands. it felt kinda good. that doesn't mean i didn't complain though.  i was finally able to go to the grocery store this afternoon (so i can eat something other than a smoothie for dinner). my test was over and my to do list was nearly crossed out, and so i took my time weaving through the aisles, even though i was only picking up essentials. i said hello and smiled at some acquaintances, but for the most part i minded my own business. i was feeling pretty great, honestly... the weather was beautiful, my schoolwork for the week completed, and i had been told multiple times both my hair and my tan looked good today.   as i waited in the check out, a man stepped behind me in line. i could smell the smoke and alcohol on him from several feet away, and looke...

sweet, smart, sassy, savvy sissy mine has a birthday today.  she's been around for 30 years now.  goodness, am i thankful to have been a part of life with her, the life that emanates through her, for almost 22 of those.  for a good, long 18 years she was the big sister i admired from afar. there's always been a lot for which to admire her... she's kinda got her stuff together. like being a super athlete. being really pretty. having lots of friends. a cute wardrobe. cool braces at one point in time. plus, you kinda have to listen to her when you're 7 and she sits on you  babysits you.   she became a real saint in my eyes when she became a nephew-giver.  i can't stop praising Jesus, though, that i have gotten the chance to know her most recently as a friend. moving to texas & nearer to her has allowed us to share more than holidays... we share stories, struggles, laughs, cries, meals, silly movie and wine nights, wisdom, corr...

I am growing so fond of the name of Jesus.  I'll be honest, it hasn't always been this way. Not fully. I used to roll my eyes, or at least have that attitude of heart, if someone used it one too many times. Come on, you know the type. The Sunday School yuppies. With the smile that made you feel guilty that you were tired & confused & sometimes "Jesus" didn't explain death&rejection&tragedy&acne.  Don't get me wrong, I love my sweet Savior. And am so thankful. I just felt that saying "Jesus" was a little cliche, maybe, or babyish even. I stuck with "the Lord" in conversation and when it came to praying, "Heavenly Father." I wasn't fully comfortable with the Holy Spirit either. In theory... yes. Real life, the nitty-gritty ins & outs of day to day living, not on mission trips or in soup kitchens... not so much. I thought I believed. I said I believed. But I sure didn't live belief. I did not ...