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the list-maker

life transition means list-making to the max.

there's the homework list
the enrollment/legalities list
the correspondence list 
the grocery list
the errands list 
the finish-up-in-waco list
the unpack/organize/settle list
the looming future list: apartment/roommate hunt
the list of how well i did or didn't eat today
the itty-bitty list of people i know in this place
the long list of places i wish i was on this saturday night
the oh-shoot-here-comes-another-sparse-yet-dramatic-blog list
...and the lists go on

and yet so little of it is getting done. 

i've shut down.

today has been yet another crying off-and-on all day kind of day. 

i know i can do this. 

i know this is where i want to be. 

so what the hay is my deal?! 

tonight i finally kicked into gear, at least a little. 
as i folded my laundry, Romans 8:26 came to me:

"...the Spirit helps us in our weakness.
We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the
Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that
words cannot express..."

i don't know what exactly i want or how to achieve it right now. but He knows. and He can discern my groans {dramatic sobs}. He can even handle my lists. i can literally pray these lists to Him... no need for performance or eloquence. because "groan" is one of the most unappealing words/noises i can think of, i know that my lists aren't too low for Him. and there is no pretense of apologies necessary. even with a best friend i would have a tendency to say "sorry for throwing this on you like this but..." it is not so with my Heavenly Father. He desires for me not to worry or be prideful in handling my issues on my own. He cannot be inconvenienced. 

so... back to the lists... 
praying over it all,
 simply doing what i can
 with what i have
 now. 

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