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the roller coaster (or, what's next)

the phrase "it feels like I'm on a rollercoaster of emotions" is often used. 

the thought fluttered through my head the other day, but i didn't let it pass by. i reached out and held tight and realized how true it really was. 

my senior year up until this point has only been that first, big hill. 

my neck is strained as i feel the gears click under me, chugging up that hill. 

register for, study for, and take the GRE... click

research graduate programs, consider the advice of professors, friends, and family... click

seek recommendation letters... click

apply to graduate schools... click

...pause... is this thing working?!

receive acceptances... click

analyze offers and potential experiences... click

i'm on this ride, and that's not going to change. i'm almost up this hill. i can look behind me, but it's a steep view. i can't even let myself go there. i can see the sky above me and wonder what's next. but mostly, i can see the people that are in this cart with me... we share smiles and grimaces. what were we thinking?? i can see the specks of those cheering me on from solid ground. they're wondering what i was thinking, too, but i know they're excitedly waiting for a glimpse of this experience through my wide eyes and open-mouthed smile. 

and now, the final lurch up that hill... enrollment... click 

i have just confirmed my attendance to UT Dallas to further study Communication Disorders (Speech Pathology). i visited yesterday and am so thrilled to picture myself in the Callier Center in the heart of Dallas in a mere seven weeks. yes, seven weeks from today i begin! may 28! i have a lot to do between now and then, but i gladly will. {sidenote: anyone looking for a house in Waco or a roommate in uptown let a sister know!!!}

so here i sit, at the top of that highest hill. a pause in which i can choose regret or hope.

 i know that the release is coming. i can see bits and pieces of the ride ahead of me, but chances are my perception is skewed. 

there will be unexpected loops and turns. my stomach will drop. i may feel whiplashed.

there will be a jumble of pure emotions, in the moment... screams of mixed delight and fear, inhales of panic, and lots of smiles and laughs. 

may it be that i live so fully on this short ride. 

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