My Grandma Helen passed away 3 ½ weeks ago. Today would have been her 76th birthday. Her life was a testament of love, service, and determination. I have always taken for granted what an amazing person she was, but I now feel compelled to share at least part of her story. This is just a random jumble of thoughts, I only wish I could think of everything now and word her life as eloquently as she lived it. More stories will come with time.
At age 13, Grandma contracted polio. Just a few months ago, she had told me about overhearing the doctor tell her mother that she wouldn’t survive this disease. She miraculously survived, but not without her life as she knew it being majorly affected. She was left with wide-spread paralysis and post-polio symptoms for the rest of her life. These debilitating factors never stopped Grandma though. She went on to be a housewife and raise two daughters, my mom and my aunt. She always found ways to get around her problems and do what she needed to in order to take care of her girls. One thing that she never could do very well was spank... I couldn’t help but laugh every time my mom mimicked Grandma swinging her arm...”1,2,3...” and then plopping onto mom’s bottom while mom laid face down laughing into the pillow. Poor Grandma. Despite not being able to punish them well, Grandma raised two of the most wonderful women I know. Resilient, determined, project-oriented, full of grace and love.
Grandma worked in a law firm and also got very involved in politics. She was known and admired by many for her volunteer work for the Republican party. This past summer, a Sioux Falls Republican newsletter wrote a nice letter about her. One of my regrets about the last time I saw her was that I teased her for being so proud of that article. She had made lots and lots of copies and had them in envelopes and addressed to practically every family member.... and made sure to tell us it was available online too. I told her I would make sure to get everyone’s copy to them, and frame one too. Although Grandma was certainly a joker and good-natured, I still wish I hadn’t.
My other regret was a silly gunnysack bear. She knew the bear was Baylor’s mascot and offered it to me. I made up some dumb excuse about the Baylor bear being darker, who knows why, so I wouldn’t have to take it. I should’ve just taken it. Needless to say, the bear is in my possession now and will always be treasured. I understand that I can’t do anything now about these two tiny instances, it is a just a good reminder to always treat those I love well. I am so thankful I made a trip up to Sioux Falls to visit Grandma in the few days I had between kamp and coming back to school.
Although Grandma had been deteriorating and it was inevitable that the end was near, there are some things you just can’t prepare yourself for. I was sitting, bored at work on Friday, September 16, when my mom tried to call me. I had an hour left of work then a test. I ignored her call and texted her to tell her I would call her later. Grandma had been admitted to the hospital a week and a half before. I knew the possibility of bad news was high, so I chose to ignore mom’s call, trying to deny it. When she persisted in trying to contact me, my suspicions were confirmed. Of course the news was hard and I wandered aimlessly through campus with tears streaming down my face. I told my mom that I couldn’t change what had happened, but I could continue to be the granddaughter that Grandma Helen was proud of, so I decided to go ahead and take my test.
Christian and I flew home together, it was good to have the opportunity to process and spend time together. We both remembered a family celebration when Papa Ken had passed and wanted to make sure that it was the same this time. The time our family had together the weekend of the funeral was precious; it is rare that we are all in one place. We spent time reminiscing, grieving, and laughing together. All of the girls in the family had a fun time going through her jewelry. My sisters and I got a laugh out of trying on her hats from “Red Hat Club.”
I wear something of Grandma’s almost everyday now, whether it be a ring, bracelet, necklace, or a headband made out of her clips... usually more than one of those things. And I love being complimented on them... I take so much pride and get so much joy out of saying “It was my Grandma’s.”
The joke between the grandkids had always been “Grandma loves ME best,” started by my cousin Jenna. We even had t-shirts made when we were younger. It hit me the week after the funeral that Grandma loved us ALL best... she was best at loving! Every time we went to Grandma’s house, after giving her a hug and a kiss, we would run to our “hiding places.” Each grandkid had a special drawer or nook where we would find a couple of dollars or some little trinket. She loved do little things to make us feel loved. At the funeral, Jenna spoke so sweetly about Grandma’s hugs... although she had such limited mobility, she would hold us in a “bear hug” by holding onto her own wrist so that she could keep us in her grasp. A favorite memory from my childhood was decorating eggs with Grandma. She was able to carefully decorate hundreds of intricate eggs, more beautifully than any person with complete mobility. She covered them in sequins and beads, some cut open with nativity scenes or other figurines inside.
It was awesome to see and hear of how many people had been touched by Grandma. She was truly an inspirational woman. I love how it was worded in her obituary: “Helen was an inspiration to those around her, living an abundant life in a fragile body that had been paralyzed by polio when she was 13 years old and ravaged further in later years by post-polio syndrome and other ailments. She had an indomitable spirit.”
Happy birthday, Grandma Helen. Thanks for showing me how to live graciously. For modeling that it is better to give rather than it is to receive. For seeking the lovely in life.
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