Skip to main content

accepting and embracing brokenness

The perfect song, that I didn't even know I had, came on when I was listening to iTunes on shuffle while doing homework tonight. I love when the Spirit speaks to me through music. Causes me to pause, think, and pray the words. Outlines and embodies the prayer that I didn't know my heart was desperate to confess. "Make Me Over" by Natalie Grant had that effect on me. I was going to just type out some of the lyrics, but they're all getting to me, so copy-and-paste it is! 

I've been silent instead of speaking up
Gave my advice instead of giving love
I have been unfair, faithless and unkind
I have shut my eyes just so I would stay blind
It's not what I meant to do
'Cause I wanna honor you
[Chorus:]
Make me over, make me new
Make me a mirror, a reflection of you
Take me all apart
Take me to your heart and pull me closer
Oh, Jesus, make me over
Take away the pride that whispers in the dark
Take the stone out of the middle of my heart
Hidden underneath my insecurities
Is the servant that you've destined me to be
But day after precious day
I get in my own way
Make me over, make me new
Make me a mirror, a reflection of you
Take me all apart
Take me to your heart and pull me closer
Sweet savior, make me over
I am only made of your imagining
I'm dust and clay on the wind
Wash me in the river of your sacrifice
Until I'm changed, purified
Take me all apart
Take me to your heart and pull me closer
My Jesus, make me over
Make me over

I love being broken and falling in love with Jesus all over again. This semester has grown my walk in amazing ways, but the past couple of days have been pretty dry. I've been self-reliant,  but aware that I wasn't satisfied in that. A reminder of how ugly pride and walking independently is was exactly what I needed. There are times when I think that I've learned and understand it all, and I really hate when I let myself be tricked into believing that lie. But, on the other hand, how exciting is it when the Lord surprises you and reveals Himself in new ways?! I had a conversation with a friend about exactly that this afternoon. She reminded me that even David and Mother Theresa went through spells during which they didn't hear from the Lord and cried out desperately. Proof of His sovereignty and our dependency. So complex, so frustrating, yet so AWEsome! I am so thankful to be humbled and to be reminded and for new mercies each and every day! And thankful for the gift of my girl Anna, her seeking heart and the truths that she allows to be poured straight through her from the Lord, untainted and unfiltered! 


I remember my affliction and my wandering,
   the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
   and my soul is downcast within me.
 Yet this I call to mind
   and therefore I have hope:
  Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
   therefore I will wait for him.”
  The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
   to the one who seeks him;
 it is good to wait quietly
   for the salvation of the LORD.
 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
   while he is young.
-Lamentations 3:19-27-

How exciting... thanking God for His mercies calls to mind this verse, which leads to this passage, which is in itself a gift, a mercy! God is so, so good. 

Be blessed, friends! 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

September 16

It's been a day. Really every day this week has been a day, but "it's been a week" just doesn't sound as dramatic and I've never heard a witty person say it. So, a day it has been.  I have been adequately warned about the pure joy that is joining the ranks of employed adults, by just about everyone ever. "The first year sucks," they said. "It's lonely and confusing," they told me. "Don't do it," I ignored.  In December, at the ripe old age of twenty three and nearly one half year, I finished grad school. I did wait until after graduation and the holidays to start looking for work, so I guess I held out for a few extra months, what with applications and interviews and the black hole named HR. In April I started work with Arlington Independent School District.  But it was fake work. It was the things I kind of actually knew how to do. Like providing speech and language therapy to kids.  Then I played at the beach int...
1 comment
Read more

words and things

This weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to go the the final year of the Women of Faith conference.  The tour is entitled "Loved," but for me three things stuck out: beautifully strung together words (you should've seen me scramble to write down the perfectly constructed prose verbatim), anxiety, and dreams. To me, those things became the weekend's theme.  I of course got swept into stories and inspiration. I laughed a lot. I sang praises in a room of 20,000, united in lifting our voices the day after people were shot for professing the same faith to which we cling. I somehow walked away not sponsoring a child through  World Vision , despite the tear-inducing REAL stories. I will soon, surely.  But I really clung to those three aforementioned things, because they're what's relevant for me.  Here's the thing: I haven't ever felt like I have a "thing."  You know, like a hobby. Passion. Obsession. Ridiculous natural inclination or t...
3 comments
Read more

Here I go....

Hello blogging world! I have mixed feelings about this... pressure to write well and be interesting. Curiosity as to if anyone even cares. Excitement to share the adventures to come. Fear of becoming "one of those  girls"-- you know, the girl who writes everything she thinks and everyone else just rolls their eyes. Called to share my faith and what I am learning... the list goes on. So I would LOVE feedback as I go. Please. I don't want wonder "umm, is anyone out there?" As of now, I am confused by everything... layout especially. Technology is not my thing. So expect that to evolve as time goes on... hopefully. As the header thing (which may soon be thrown out) says... I love pretty things, and I am striving to find beauty in my mess of a life, to see situations in a different way, to make a mosaic out of the madness. So that will hopefully be a recurring theme, but really, ya never know what will happen. Also, this will be my way to share my study abroad a...
2 comments
Read more